WHERE DO YOU DUMP YOUR GARBAGE?

Sometimes life has a way of weighing you down...in one sense it is a good way to stay grounded. But for a person that likes to fly, that's like having a broken wing. I'm usually the person that can find the silver lining in any cloud, the one that doesn't mind the storm, because I know that when it blows over, everything will be refreshed on the other side.

Here lately though, it seems as if I've taken on the roll of a garbage truck. I'm drving around and without realizing it, I've lifted the trash from the lives of others and now the truck is full and I can't find my way to the landfill. I know that sooner or later I'm going to run out of gas and I don't want to be stuck holding this rubble. I don't want to dump it in some place that isn't built to accept it; I know that just creates a bigger mess in the long run. I guess I'm hoping that a rescue truck will come along and ease my load, either by filling my tank back up and providing me with directions, or by hauling me and my load to the landfill.

I guess I'm lacking direction right now. Perhaps I've been relying on the wrong map. Sometimes I feel like I'm reading the right map, but somehow I'm doing it all wrong. It's kind of like having a GPS and putting in the zip code incorrectly. Now I'm way off course, and I lack the resources to get back on track.

This is when I realize I can't do it on my own. I have to rely on someone else to assist me. I need someone else to help me find my way. It's hard for someone like me, so independent, to admit that I need help because it's beyond my control.

It's hard to become the needy one when you've only ever been the strong one. The one that does the jobs that no one else wants to, like picking up the trash in other peoples lives. I don't mean physical rubbish, but rather the worries and struggles and pain that they are suffering from. I have to allow someone to pick up my load and haul it away for me. Maybe it's not my job to carry it all the way to the landfill, but just to be there to get it out of the hands of those that can no longer carry it themselves.

Photo credit belongs to this site http://re3org.blogspot.com/2011/03/my-alabama-waste-disposal-adventure_11.html

Coming into Focus

Friday afternoon my newest nephew finally graced us with his appearance. I might add that he is quite handsome, but some might say that's because I am biased. After all, I am his auntie. This post however is really more about an epiphany that occurred while I was patiently awaiting his arrival. It's such a powerful moment when you see an accumulation of events that have taken place come together in such a way that the picture couldn't be painted any clearer. Before I reveal my big "duh" moment, I want to share with you some of the events that preceded this.

It all started about 4 years ago. My job at the time was abruptly ended and I really didn't know what to do with the next chapter of my life at that point. There had never been a time when I wasn't gainfully employed since I've been old enough to hold a job. This break gave me some time to reflect on me as a person, and to learn who I am and what really drives me. I've always had a passion for photography and for scrapbooking and I began to see opportunities to grow relationships through those hobbies. After almost a year of trying to decide how I was going to proceed with my life, I finally decided to go back to school. I have always enjoyed learning and taking on a new challenge. I felt compelled to learn sign language and so that's what I decided to do. After studying for a year, it became necessary for me to return to work and disappointingly, I put my studies on hold. I was saddened because I felt like I had such potential at a career within the deaf community. My instructor once suggested that I work as an advocate for the deaf. At the point that I went back to work, I had finished half of my necessary classes to get my degree in American Sign Language. I currently hold a certificate of skills for my accomplishments.

The irony is that the same job that ended so quickly before, is right where I am back working today. Being employed in law enforcement has given me the opportunity to see people at their worst and at the same time see heroes at work responding positively to bad situations. Because I work overnight, I am able to participate in the kids school activities and local community events and that has made me think often of volunteering in some way to do advocacy work. I'm good at standing up for those that can fend for themselves. I've always felt like there would be a 'special' child in my life. Now here's the epiphany: I am suppose to adopt a special needs child! The picture is clearly in focus. The sign language is a bonus to assist in care and communication with such a child.

I know that there are people that would question me. I can already hear them, "Why a special needs child?" and "Do you think you are ready for something like this?" or "How do your children feel about this?" I realize this isn't a decision to be taken lightly and I know it's not a short process. I get the fact that it doesn't only affect me. I understand that it will change our lives forever and that there will be setbacks and disappointments, but on the other side of that I'm banking on that blessings that cannot be measured. When babies are born to birth parents, it's life changing, it is demanding, and sometimes disappointing, but always worth it!

I recall a conversation many years ago with my little boy asking for a brother to play with. Due to medical procedures our family hasn't been able to have more children since days after the birth of our youngest. I remember telling my son that if he wanted a brother that he would have to pray and ask God for a miracle, continuing to explain that God would have to find a special way to give our family another little boy. Well kid, you just might get what you've asked for!

Bad Apples

Just the other day I was feeling so completely weighed down. It seems that everything around me is being negatively affected. I see people that have been stricken by misfortune and tradgedy, others by illness, and some experiencing life changing events that affect others. It has really opened my eyes to see that no matter what you hear, say, see, or do, it has an affect on someone else. Some things are positive, but it's the negative things that leave a lasting impression on someone. It really is true that one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch; but I feel like it doesn't have to! If you see the bad apple, and you know it's going to affect the others, do something to stop it. You could take the bad apple away and toss it, but first, check closely to see if part of it still isn't salvagable. You could leave the bad apple and remove the rest so that they don't become contaminated. That's what elementary minds do. You know what I'm talking about. The idea that "You've got cooties" so everyone avoids you! I'm of the frame of mind that you should save the bad apple, carve away the part that isn't good and then all the apples can bake together and they sure make one tasty apple pie! Isn't that what God does to us? As christians, we are to be in the world but not of it. Some christians would have the "bad apples" plucked out, and other christians would avoid the "bad apples", but I think that both of those solutions are not quite what God had in mind. He wants us to figure out how to make apple pie by trimming away the bad parts of all the apples.

How Much are you willing to Pay?

I don't even know where to start. I have so much on my mind, so much going on in my circle of life. A few months ago, we moved into a place of our own. At first it felt a little strange. It was a welcomed change, I mean, I was super excited to finally have room to stretch out a little. At this point, as the new bills are starting to show up in the mailbox, reality is beginning to sink in. Good things don't happen without a price. That thought really gets the ball rolling for so much more. The more you want something, the more you must be willing to pay for it, but when and how do you know that the price in which you are paying for whatever it is that you want is really worth the cost. I'm not talking about material things necessarily, but it surely applies to that as well. Time truly is a price that once gone cannot be regained. Children are only small for a season, and then they grow up and get opinions of their own, some of which you wonder where they ever came from, but you celebrate the joys as often as you can. The joy in which you receive is directly related to the amount of suffering you endure, again relating to the price you pay. The harder the trials, the richer the blessings feel. I'm reminded of the scripture, to whom much is given, of him shall much be required. That means for every positive there is a negative, for every bonus, there is a deficit, and for life's joys there comes sacrifice. To those people that feel they have been dealt an incredibly crappy life, I say to you,"You haven't been paying attention to the blessings in which you've been dealt." Maybe our miseries truly are just mercies in disguise.